To sum up...

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So...

Let us see here,

what have I been up to?

Finishing classes... well.

Writing a fuckton of essays, and Fri pretty much saving my ass in terms of my project work.

Slept at some point... oh right. Met with whats-his-face and turned stuff in, then went home and slept for a few hours, then went to Fri's and ate and watched a show and then got bouncy and then went home and read AND THEN slept.

Aaaaand then Saturday.

Invited Guy over for funtimes,

Dylan came over as well... She and I went for a drive to a coffee shop.

I explained everything that needed explaining...

She asked me to choose between her and Guy. Not directly, see... but "If I asked you to choose, who would you?"

And I said I didn't know, because if she asked me to choose it would damage our friendship in a way that it would probably never recover from.

Except then I came to realize that by asking that... she asked me to choose.

Talked more, talked about our friendship as a whole - which she apparently has felt a fracture in since last year, but hadn't even mentioned to me before.

She asked why I said yes...

Short version is that it didn't go well (not that I was expecting it to) but it didn't go as badly as it could have.

Got back to the house, sat in silence for about 45 seconds before Jay made a comment about the silence and Guy said something like "Well, cats out of the bag then huh?"

1) Jay still had no idea what was going on at that time.
2) Guy has since admitted that that was a classless way to deal with the situation, though I admit I don't see there as being a good way to deal with it.

Dylan pretty much ran out of the house, and she was either crying or near crying. Jay sat there looking very confused for a moment until I was like "Yeah so Guy and I have started a thing... you should go after her."

I haven't seen or heard from either of them since.

So that was awesome... Not.

Called Fri from my car to talk about what I was feeling - loads of guilt mostly. She was amazing and talked me through it and so I went back inside and sat around with Guy and Tommy and talked for a few hours.

Then Guy and I went to bed... and stayed up for 3 more hours :D

(Sunday) Woke up at some point the next morning and stayed in bed pretty much all day. Rainy Sunday indeed :D. Got up around 3-4 and went down to the beach with Tommy.

At the beach, I rested on a tree that looked towards the water, watched the fog roll over the water and the lights reflecting off of it. The guys were throwing rocks into the water, and I will keep that momentmemoryfeeling of complete contentment in my mind - hopefully forever.

Maybe by writing it down here I can at least attempt that.

Got so lost in my own breathing that I couldn't tell (nor did I really want to) whether I was breathing or the tree was breathing, and just was.

Hiked back up to campus, got Mike and went to my house for LoTR movie night... only got about halfway through the first one before we all started to pass out. Spent the movie and most of the night curled up with Guy.

Before you know... he got too warm and built a blanket barrier between us because 'if he had access to my body in any way he wouldn't be able to sleep'.

(Monday) Woke up when Tommy knocked on the door wanting to know if we wanted to go climbing, we said no and went back to sleep. Woke up a few hours later and had breakfast... and went back to bed.

Guy left for his eval, and I went back to sleep. Woke up a few hours later and ate some food and then skyped with Fri for a few hours about schooling and catching up.

Fell asleep around 5am,

(Tuesday) Tried to wake around 9. Ended up waking up around 11.
EVALUATED self and went to my conference - short version is I'm a badass.
Longer version? He thinks I should write a book.

Got home, kinda vegged in front of my computer and watched 4 movies. (Whip It, The Social Network, Happy Feet and Pirate Radio)

---

It's amazing to me that even though I've been all in favor of ANYTHING that feels good sexually, and have admittedly been a bit dismissive of other girlwomen's concerns (in terms of being apprehensive about various aspects of the male body and sex acts)...

I definitely understand more now.

So much more.

It's easy to be demanding and up front and confident in your own mind,

but with someone else?

It is far too easy to get lost in that web of 'newness is scary'.

Some of it is good scary, but some of it... some of it is just plain NEW and not scary so much as...

I don't think I have the word for it yet.

---

That, just now?

The best goodbye I've ever been part of.

Txted Guy around midnight and said something like "Hey, you still awake?"
He said yeah, so I headed over.

Hung out in his room - just sitting on his bed and talking, touching, cuddling a bit. Asked some questions I needed answers to (what ARE we?)

Laid down on his bed and cuddled some more, just touching - knowing we are going to be apart for about 3 weeks.

Kissed. More kisses. Kisses.

Stood up, hugged, kissed.

Groped a little bit :P

One last kiss, and then I headed home.

He leaves in a few hours, but in terms of goodbyes?

Best. Ever.

---

I've done MANY new things in the past few days.

Can't wait until we can do more :D

(Faves:
Being touched
Being at the beach
Inside me. Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo. Teasing him.
Shaking. Shaking. More shaking. )