Amazing

So it is a monday night very soon after Christmas.

Who is in bed in a sweatshirt-ish-top, undies, and climbing shoes - with a metric bajillion tabs open, most of them about sex or contracts or sex toys?

Well, that would be me.

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I got climbing shoes today! My very own, brand new, for-my-feet-only pair.

My calluses are nearly gone... I keep saying that, and then MORE skin comes off. Which is kind of a WTF sensation, but hopefully I will be back on the wall before my hands TRULY go back to what they were at before.

I'm pretty sure I will be unable to do Birds and Bees when we get back, which sucks.

On the other hand... I am so ready for us all to be back.

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Not surprisingly, I miss Guy.

Kind of a lot.

Not sure how much is physical touch miss, and how much is him that I miss...

But I do.

Amazing how quickly I acclimated to having him around.

And how much I am anticipating us being back.

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Me says:
things just got so fucked up so quickly.
Tommy says:
yes but didnt they get good quickly at the same time?
Me says:
levels of fantastic for sure... and im not wanting the 'before' back so much as... I dont even know. I don't regret any of it, but I do wish it hadnt played out as it has
Tommy says:
well we dont know for sure how it has played out. we just have to wait until we are all back and see how it goes
Me says:
well yeah but in some ways how it has gone is indicitave of how it will go. Dylan wont forgive me for this, and Im not sure I want to... not forgive, but forget?... how she handled it. At the same time, we have some amazing memories and Im in some ways mourning their tainting
Tommy says:
what do you mean by "mourning their tainting"?
Me says:
and like... my memories of Dylan now have this caveat/bias/film over them that involves my last conversation with her - which is somewhat normal because that is how friendships are... but this one sucks.
Tommy says:
ok. i guess i dont do that much but it was me who broke off my old friendships
Me says:
you dont do what much?
Tommy says:
have my old good memories tainted
Me says:
ah. I dont like the word tainted... I dont know. Maybe im uncomfortable with them because I AM in the wrong,
Tommy says:
but you arent
Me says:
Sometimes I know that, and I remember all the shit Dylan put Fri and I through and the bad times... And then I remember the good times, and the laughing Dylan and how amazing some times last year were. And how my actions have most likely ended the possibility of me seeing that Dylan again.
Also, the good Jay.

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So. Yeah. That.

This is all...

Went swimming. Will be going again in a few hours, though I'd much rather go right now.

Now... is for sleep.

And, hopefully, dreams.