12/28/10
11:49pm

JESUS FUCK

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Now:

Yeah I just don't even want to write about that level of clusterfuck right now.

Except to say that the level of judgment is AMAZING.

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Okso, not gonna lie.

I'm a big girl. Curvy, substantial, BBW, whatever the fuck you wanna call it.

Some would call it fat.

And yes, some of it is. Some of it is also bone, muscle, tendon, and general sexiness - in case you missed that.

For awhile now I've been wanting a tattoo (don't worry, these two topics are indeed connected) but have been afraid as to what will happen as I get bigger - which, lets not lie here, is going to happen. Even if I get skinnier (because of being generally more physically active) in between, its gonna happen.

So tattoos, on people who gain fat afterwards, tend to not look so great. Plus, you get older and they don't look so good cause skin gets all bleh.

Now, why am I, YET AGAIN, allowing the fear/somethingness of the future keep me from getting something I want?

I just saw an image of a woman, a FAT woman to be clear, who had the most beautiful tattoo, on a part of her I've never even considered getting tattoo'd BECAUSE I know it will stretch.

Now, why the FUCK would I stop doing something/change how I thought of it based on this fictional idea IN MY OWN HEAD of how my body may one day look?

Hopefully, I will get old. (Physically, not mentally. Fuck that shit right now!)

This means my skin will do its own damn thing anyway,

So why am I shying away from loving the body I have while I have it?

I'm grateful to it for many, many things - some of which I have control over, and some that I don't. I'm also pissed at it for a few things, but those are somewhat beyond my control.

I need to focus more on the awesomness, and less on the suck.

And I need to start doing things that are good for me/my selfness (mental AND physical) FAR more often.

Starting now.