I, quite obviously, don't deal well when my semi-stable sense of my place in the world is fucked with.

I am learning. After this time... I think it will be better.

I'm less worried about fleas now, so that's... a plus.

But.

But.

But.

Way to prove my vague inklings about myself correct, self. Good job.

You suck.

---

I know that what I want... is a bit above my age bracket. Is a bit more than most can give me.

Is a bit ridiculous considering what I have had.

And yet.

How does one stop wanting something that matters as much as this does?

I cannot, will not, sacrifice this aspect of my self just to feel...

Something.

But I also will not forget.

In all of this... confusion, and at times pain.

There was joy. Pure joy. Contentment. Even... dare I say it?

Happiness.

And those moments, mere blips in time when compared to the rest of my life?

Those, I choose.

I will keep them.