I'm so fucking tired... lets see if I can get this into words.

I am extremely uncomfortable with my ignorance - and with the -isms I can see in my head.

I can see them in my head, I can question them when they come up- but I don't know how to do more than that. I don't know what to do next.

Racism, sexism, ageism, classism... so many -isms.

I don't have the vocabulary.

And I don't know how to get it.

And that is one of the few things that makes me feel like a failure.

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I wish I had a home - not in the sense that I have a place to sleep and keep my stuff and the like...

A home that was mine - preferably that I helped build or fix.

Somewhere that I could escape to.

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The daydreams on the way here...

What would you do with 186 MILLION dollars (minus all the taxes of course)?

What

Would

You

Do?