It's amazing to me how fucking different Guy can be.

The Guy that you all know, see, deal with? Yeah. He's different in bed. Different in a way that I cannot quantify or qualify or explain in any way.

He is better - and he would be the first to laugh at me and explain that he is in fact no different at all, he is just himself.

And I would be remiss if I did not mention that he is probably right. I sincerely doubt I will ever see that side of him again simply because the situation we were in is unlikely to ever happen. Again.

At the same time, I doubt he will ever read this - unless I die and someone is like (PS THIS CHICKY WAS WRITING ABOUT YOU TEEHEE) and he'll be like "I know" and then unless he is reaaaaaaaaaaaaally bored, nothing will happen. Nothing will change - except I'll be dead and for me personally that'll be a pretty big change.

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Quick aside, my grandpa is dead. That's pretty shitty.

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So, right, Guy.

I don't miss who he is around me now. That is who he is now, and that is who I have to see, deal with, be friends with.

But he is not. not. the Guy I was in bed with.

And I find it a special kind of sad that he doesn't feel he can be that Guy around me anymore.

But it has nothing to do with me - and everything to do with his own issues.

I do miss him though.

That I have no problem admitting.