How?

How does it manage to hurt THAT BADLY?

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine... and then JUST NO. Punch to the gut, just fucking...

Nails to the skin - the physical pain to focus - contain the emotions. Not the time, not the space.

And yet, when is?

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I'm so fucking happy about how things are going with my sponsor!

MY SPONSOR!!!

Met with her today, talked about everything - she seems fantastic AND like someone I can respect which is good for the getting things done business.

Walked home after my meeting - met up with Mike.

Had a fantastic, random, and downright weird time with Mike and Tommy all afternoon (3-9 ish) - I'm not sure why, but I got hugged, tickled, and licked (on my feet, wtf?). It was... mostly just weird. Not a bad kind of weird, I was just mostly ambivalent.

-And here is where I run into the issue of knowing who reads this - that people I know in real non-digital life read this.

Fuck it.-

Notice how I said 'mostly'? Big fucking surprise that somewhere in the storm of touching was stuff I liked - and getting it from Mike is okay for me (an interesting note, what with our history, I'm far more comfortable being touched and touching him). Like, for instance, the full on smack my ass got? Hot damn :P.

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I'm so fucking tired... maybe it could be time for sleep. I think I'm going to try and write out some more stuff tonight, and that DEFINITELY did not end well last time - but swear to god I have to get this out of my head.

I don't think I will be able to though - I don't know if writing it down will help at all, will it reinforce the connections or help ease them?

It hurt so much - that flash. It hurts thinking about it now.

Ow.